unexplained

There is this place, high above the ground where I wish to remain.  In my mind I always see the very same place. Near my home, in the country side. Its the early sunrise, the grass is cold-green, the dew drops are spread around like diamonds. Im wearing something white, which I never do, Ive flowers in my hair and Im floating. Not too high, not too low, just floating calmly, getting away from everyone and everything. There Im always alone. There is not even a possibility to take someone with me. I dont remember where that vision first came to my mind. I think Its spring, the plum-tree is blooming. I seem to be young, maybe even younger than now. The place where it happens its a little slope, shaped the way so it looks like a stage and as I child I would pretend it to be a one. Why is there when I escape. Where do I really go. It is only for a moment or once for all&It seems to be cold but I dont feel it, its like Im not human anymore, its like I didnt belong to this world. Am I seeing my own death? Or is it just a place that I created to hide, to be sure Im above everyone, to be sure I cant be touched, I cant be hurt, to go there when Im not understood. Im not wearing any shoes.  I dont say anything. Im just there hanging in the air, pretending Im not here and not being there at the same time. So where am I, why do I go there, why do I want do disappear so badly.