KOI NO YOKAN 

It started at one of the nights when we knew nothing bad could happen to us. We knew we cannot be caught by anyone. We could break all the rules and be invisible. The lights were chasing us down the street. We were faster than anything, brighter yet undetectable. We were just happy and great for that last moment, too colorful to be spotted by a human eye. What a beautiful show, like a lightning in that grey city, sparkling for a second, remembering it forever. Then it all went back to normal or even worse. Its been sometimes since Ive seen the last person I loved before the one I love. Its been a weird experience. Coincidental yet planned, spontaneous yet completely under control. I felt so distance and I felt so close. Holding no grudge, I just wanted to take a look, I just wanted to take care of something as unique as the stream of emotions once running through my veins with the speed of light, with the color of eternity. You seem so inhuman in the way your look. Your eyes are of the unexplained blueish, greenish color. Instead of little cracked red veins they look like depthless ponds wreathed with duckweed. So poisonous but I would still risk to jump, to drown in them, for a sure death, taking my last breath, leaving the perfect scenario that still makes me feel so lonely and misunderstood. Today the air was plush, warm and peachy, it felt like walking through cotton candy, sticky, sweet, consuming. For a moment I felt like feeling nothing, like drying up, like not giving a damn in the world. It may be so you created a simplified version of me in your head. It may be the best and the worst thing that ever happened to me. Ive never been so loved and so taken-care-of.  I feel that little sting at times, when all my ways of expression are subtly ignored, put away with a derisive smile of yours. Maybe Im just wrong thinking I could be more than that, than just a lost little girl, playing a grown up. Probably Im just wrong thinking I see more and feel more. I guess Im so wrong even writing this. Im just complicating things, right? Im just making it impossible to want me. I just have to keep quiet cuz God knows I cant complain but I also cannot lie, I can pretend, for a while, at most.