yeux

I thought I was prepared for everything. For that though clearly I was not. I felt the nerve. The grey pavement, neon lights, this tragic techno music In the background that smell of the rush, alcohol and recklessness. I knew somethings going down that night. Its like somebody told me when exactly I am going to die. I instantly  memorized your smell. Letting it in with the air, it automatically saved in my brain, as the smell of mystery, chemistry and somehow at the same time, the smell of safety. I didnt know you could break somebodys heart in advance. The air was thick, pink and violet, surreal. Well, truly, my heart does not break Id rather say it adjusts to the circumstances. The eyes, they fucked me over . Cold, predators eyes. Those circumstances are usually tough, just like this time. Its too damn late, I know whats right with the speed of light. My brain is to slow for my heart, it knows first, it knows better and it keeps quiet. All that its like saying: here you go, everything you ever wanted its right here, in front of you, but just for a while. In movies people always suddenly wake up, enjoy life and travel and all I wanna do is stare out of the window and analyze the shades of purple in the sky. I gotta jump. It is highly possible that there will be no one to catch me, not even myself. I keep feeling the smell of the bad news, Im addicted. And then it comes, but what if, but if not now when, but you know& you never know! These snake eyes, dangerous yet scared. The end of my small world is planned, I know exactly when its going to happen, when Im going to be completely forsaken. Somehow after a day or two, I feel calm. I found it, its there, it exists, I wasnt fucking crazy like everybody thought. Calling me a psycho,  turned out to be a sort of a genius in it. In the fact that I trust myself more than anything else, that I wont miss the smallest chance to feel that magic whos existence is denied by everybody else. My eyes are open in a special way. Im hypersensitive and ready to use it as my biggest power.