People are multicolored. They have feelings, emotions, morality and can choose which ones will shape them. People are schematic: they're going to school, then work, have a hobby and meet together. Finally, people are alive... I'm not all of that. I don't have my own face, I can't influence decisions. I was deprived of these possibilities, just as my voice was taken away, my speaking ability, my body...The only thing I have is the awareness of my existence. Living in the shadows, breathing in darkness, sometimes with a loud cry of hatred, sometimes with a laugh of helplessness. That's all. That's me. A human trapped in his own body and hidden at the bottom near the border of the subconscious. A personality dominated by a creature born of uncertainty and fear of rejection. I was defeated by a mask which is a combination of the verbal qualities of other people and which lived up to the expectations of society. Finally, the mask became my face and something paradoxically natural. I took over this fear. The whole fear of being yourself. I have no idea how to overcome it, because I know, I almost certainly know that I will lose. I will lose so much... Sometimes when the creature felt safe, it enabled me to gain full control. The first time like this was a breakthrough moment that completely made me aware of my existence. I was free. I felt so warm, full of love, joy and peace of my soul. However, everything ended when the sense of danger back again. Then I fell silent for many years but I existed in the form of a silent voice of hints in times of uncertainty. I was a signpost, idea, answer and friend. I was an angel, a guardian who waited with humility until we have the strength to become one existence. The passage of time, which has always been my greatest enemy, has destroyed the unused qualities in me, just as it destroys in us talents that we do not develop. I don't feel anything. I'm not happy, I'm not sad. I feel only peace and desire to destroy everything that destroyed me. I can't be a friend anymore. I want to live, that's why I'm just waiting for the day when I can say: an ally has been slain.