MCM London Comic Con

Me and my Newton. I think I might be in love with her. Which complicates a lot of things since theoretically I am in a relationship with Han Solo...? Yes, I still give nicknames to all of my closest friends. It's easier this way if I want to leave them anonymous. Although I don't think anyone back in Poland would know who I'm talking about right now anyway... Yeah, London life. I am actually glad to be far away from some of my friends back at home because recently all that comes to mind when I think about them is the word 'assholes'. *shrugs his shoulders* It happens, man. People change, I have changed. Hopefully for better. Yeah, totally for better! That's the only way I could change because I'm awesome ;] Yeah, I have a really high self-esteem lately all thanks to the things I do. 'Helping people, making cosplays, the fandom business,' one would say. Also being close with people I really like.

Han Solo... Sometimes we cry together (me because of Star Wars, him because of his depression and general hopelessness) and then cuddle in his bed. It's really nice. I like physical contact. But we don't talk much...? Probably because we're both a bit too socially awkward in each other's presence. Which totally sucks. And it's probably the reason why I can't see us in a relationship. Although I wouldn't mind having sex with him. It would definitely be interesting. And probably would scar us both in one way or the other, ugh... It's like with Destiel. I just no longer am able to see Dean and Cas in something that would even remotely be considered a good thing for both parties. They have gone too far away for that. And it's kinda sad. Season 9 gets down to me shipping Cas and Sam, hating on Metatron (& calling him a DICK, 'cause he is one!) and having lots of feels for Zeke/Gadreel because he's kind of my baby now. Yeah, I totally made a brilliant digression from my love life to Supernatural... But that's just how it is lately for me.

Going back to the thing called 'love life'... I really might be a little bit in love with Newton. And I might be falling even deeper because she's just brilliant. And we have so much in common. And I just LOVE being in her presence. I think that's what love is about? Being comfortable with each other, laughing together, helping the other person when they're having a mental breakdown, reassuring them that it's gonna be fine and that you're here for them - because you ARE, allowing each other to be a better human being because they are with you. What I'm trying to say is that if I actually had to choose between Solo and Newt I'd probably choose Newt because life's better AND easier with her. And there's at least a CHANCE for a healthy relationship this way. Even though it wouldn't last long because I'm coming back home for summer soon and she won't be staying in London for the next academic year :c But the thought that Moscow is not so far away kinda makes me feel better. There is always a way for us to meet again :] But hopefully not in winter >__<'' Although I love the concept of singing 'Natalie' by Michał Bajor and being able to put my own experiences of walking around Moscow in winter with someone I really like into the song. Yeah.

I GOT INTO THE PACIFIC RIM FANDOM AND I'M SHIPPING THE SCIENTISTS SO. HARD. Proof in the photo above. Kind of. Anyway, because of that movie I got inspired to do maths. YES. I am taking a module on Abstract Algebra next year. Which I probably won't fail because MATHS and HERMANN GOTTLIEB and UGH THIS IS BRILLIANT. On the other hand I LOVE geography and I halfarsed most of the second term and both exams in the third. I had those two exams after I came back to London after the spring break. I'VE HAD A WHOLE FUCKING MONTH TO PREPARE AND I STARTED REVISION A WEEK BEFORE THE FIRST EXAM. I am a really shitty person sometimes. But the first year is like 10% of the whole degree so it doesn't really count. I have learned a lesson for next year. When I'm probably going to have four or five exams in the winter period and then one or two in the summer period. But I'm gonna do fine, I always do. And honestly, this time I know what I'm getting myself into and how to work on it. So it's gonna be great :]

But let's talk more about Pacific Rim! The movie itself might not be a masterpiece but the work that's going on in the fandom? IT'S AMAZING. If you are interested go and read 'Designations Congruent with Things'. Would anyone ever think that there will be actual songs written and composed by actual real life people for a band that was created in a mind of a fanfiction writer and exists only in this one specific fanfic? I didn't. Simple POWER and DEVOTION of the fandom will never cease to amaze me. Here, listen to The Superconducting Supercolliders. They are amazing. I think that together with Lynyrd Skynyrd, Led Zeppelin and Nightwish they might be my favourite band. And my favourite songs so far are 'Regeneration I', 'Hedy Lamarr' and 'Sea of Dirac' <3

I think there are many things I should write about because I didn't post anything here since the beginning of February but it's just too much for me right now. Also it's nearly 2AM and I need to get some sleep before tomorrow's not-exactly-a-date-but-kind-of with Newton. So this'll have to do. I hope everyone here is doing fine and that they still remember me ;]

See ya!

'Tectonic shifts create weak lines,

Submerged by miles

Those metic tons of ocean won't confine

What will arise

Like an apocalyptical design

And if I die

I was a scientist in these times;

But what if science cannot find

A way to coexist or stay alive...?'