Determination to find inspiration.

Ive been sitting in front of an empty word document, looking at the blinking cursor. The cursor, especially, is annoying me; its like it is counting seconds of the time Ive wasted on staring at the blank page.  Not knowing what to write about and how to word it, I became so furious that an idea emerged in my head.  An idea, however, isnt enough to produce a decent piece of writing. I know you understand my frustration and I can only compare this to one thing: having a very strong desire to snack on something delicious, finding a good enough recipe, but some ingredients are missing, which  in fact  are the most vital ones.

The other ingredient for a decent piece of writing is inspiration. Something that motivates you to write, providing you with more ideas for the content. So, please, dont get me started on inspiration  the necessary ingredient for a good piece of writing. Or, in my case, the lack of it would be more adequate. Especially when it comes to writing essays for homework or generally important texts. It surely is not my fault that I cant write anything, it also is not my fault I dont know what words to use. I dont know whose fault it is, but if I knew, that person  or thing  would be taken off this planet immediately. How much time have we all wasted on looking for inspiration?

I have tried different ways of finding it: one of them is looking at pictures. I have a folder called hearts, where I keep inspiring pictures, just in case. However, pictures inspire for specific things: good for photo shoot ideas, yet not for writing. Music: another of my ways for finding inspiration. Unfortunately, it has its problems too. The biggest one is: which type is the most competent as an ingredient for a decent piece of writing? A spoonful of tranquillity contained in post-rock, where all you can hear is a beautiful melody and no distracting lyrics? Or black metal, full of chaos, where the singer is singing  but more likely  screeching down the microphone, thousands of words per second, calling Satan? Ive tested many songs and I must admit, they sometimes help; but not always. Most of the time they dont, actually, and I end up attempting to write once again  without music. Then I learn that silence can be irritating, which only incites my frustration about the (lack of) passionate enthusiasm which I bear for writing; I am very close to giving up.

Yet, this vexatious feeling of being under pressure only makes things worse. I know I cant give up, I know this piece is important, but I cant find a way to successfully accomplish this mission  a mission of completing this delicious snack. The results of this recipe surely are delightful, but the missing ingredient  the i word  always stops me from finishing it. I sometimes wonder if that thing, constantly stopping me from getting inspiration, enjoys making my life a misery. Its like Im visiting twenty different shops, looking for one thing, but none of the shops have it. This hunt for inspiration might get more vicious than any other hunt and I am ready to sacrifice anything, just to find the perpetrator of my despair. As I said, it is not my fault that I dont know what to write and this lack of inspiration certainly doesnt make me less intelligent. I tell you now: it is someones plan to take our future success away from us. 

OJ SZKOŁO.