blah blah blah... : )

It's been a long time since I've written something here&

It's late, I'm tired, my hands smell like 12 cigarettes smoked in a row and I'm kinda' sleepy...

good time for thinkin'...

Been considering the shit that has been happening lately...well it's all kinda fucked up [I'm not talking 'bout last week or month, but couple of those last...]

Various shit, different problems, with me or people around me...Kinda' makes me think you know...how come so much shit happens when we're only 20 ? Yup, I'm not 21 yet ;P Years are passing by and I'm becoming even a bigger fuck-up than I was before...a tendency ;]

It must be hard to be with me, to stand me, to comprehend me...whatever. Don't wanna sound emo or shit...that no-one understands me or my inner darkness is so enormous that pitch-black is as light as sun is. It has become kinda popular to write such bullshit, no offence. [Now you're thinking 'but you just wrote the same emo-shit!'...Well holmes {meaning 'homie'}, guess you're not such a bad-ass detective ;) ] But, for fucks sake, I really do feel like a schizophrenic, paranoid, homicido-suicidal, depressing distortion... It's been on me since fuckin' childhood and it'll be there fo' evah' [TrU to daknasss sinc evah fo' evah' holmes!] But who cares ? : ))))) Since I'm wearin' my dandy smile and laugh all the time everythin' is 100 % cool...yeeeaaahhh right ;] One person at least sees that I'm not such a merry-mother-fucker...SHE knows that often I PLAY tuuuffff but I'm SOFT as butter on hot summer day...but, what's left for me ? 'Cry me a fuckin' emo river, bitch ?!' Nope, that's not for me&Give me a river of blood, then we'll talk ;]

When I come to think of something, really, a lot of people got hurt because of me...I haven't hurt anyone physically, really I'm not that kind of a person, although sometimes I wish I was...But maybe I am...but no-one crossed the line of my patience, there were few very close to it...Im glad they didn't, what would happen if I...d crush their head or twist their neck, break their arm, slice their throat using a pane of glass, kick their balls, break their collar-bone, crush their ribs, rub the eye out, slice their tendons, feed them their own shit and piss, make them scream and shout in agony, beg for their fucked up lives as I approach them with a crowbar thinking whether it would suit better the head or the stomach...ahhh sorry for that digression but someone told me once 'If you make the first step in the world of violence, the rest is like running down an endless hill...' who would want me to do such nasty things to them ? *^^* Fortunately for the people around me, I haven't made a single step ahead over the starting line : ) Lucky me !...

Okay, it's an end to the psychedelic bullshit for today : ]

Errr, one more thing...If...EVER...SHE'D get hurt...be sure...that I'll come to you... WITH A MODA-FUCKIN-CROW-THE-FUCK-BAR : ))))

I'm really amazed at the capacity of insanity that the human mind can endure...I'm delighted : )

Well, sorry it seems that I don't posses a really benevolent mind and my irrational way of digesting the surroundings leads me to a presupposition of my inability to be glamorous and superstitiously intelligent...As a matter of fact my intellect is far to vague to overcast amazement over ones gleaming eyes blinded by superstitious bullshit of the supra-intelligent, bueno-attractive, mega-eruditive and over-succesfull shit-heads ; ] Dunno if the conjunctions are right but you get the picture : )))

If something's wrong in this note I'm sorry for this but it's 2 a.m. ; ]

Good night: )