Make every next day better
Dodano: 1 WRZEŚNIA 2012
how do i come back?
how do i come back?
in a way i feel a sense of an acomplishment. but it's not like i was doing all this, i mean working real hard for more than 2 months bc i wanted to do so. i have decided to act this way only not to hear that i've been doing nothing whole holidays. i've been doing it all even though my health problems interfere with my daily life and prevent me from being as productive as i liked to be.
sometimes i sit and am melancholic. i remember these days, the saturday mornings, i was waking up late comparing to the hour i wake these days, and while drinking my coffee i was watching fairy tail. if only coming back to that time were possible and if only i knew what went wrong that i became like that. maybe it's fate and no matter what, the result would still be the same, but i could always get a star 'you tried'. i hate myself as i am now. in the same time i'm quite impressed how many people i got fooled and that they have no idea that there's sth wrong. everyday is like a being anxious and nervous bc i never know how i'm gonna feel and what may happen. tbh sometimes i wish that sth bigger would happen so i go with an ambulance and once and for all am told what is going on. i hate this country and medical system when you are left not knowing what to do and how to act for so long, bc the date of your check-up you're waiting for is still 4 months ahead if you're lucky ofc.
how am i gonna lead my life? now i tell myself that everything will become clear after i get this desired check-up, but what if the check-up shows there's nothing wrong, then what is this all about? how do i come back? in this world i live in a vending machine isn't a time machine. it's not gintama.
at least yesterday was the last day at work. i even got a proposal to work there during next holidays and during afternoons and weekends on the 2nd year of studies. the proposal seems nice but i didn't really like to work there. i prefer sitting by the desk all day to working my butt off at production of mailboxes or heaters.
now a month is left and i'll become a proper university student. i don't really feel like studying though. i hope that things will change for the better during this month.
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