with my everything...

cuz he replaced everything that ever mattered to me. now, He is my family, my friend, my lover and soul mate, my future husband and the father of my children. for Him i abandoned my previous european life. for Him i changed everything. cuz He awakened the new me. He brightened up my life. brought sense to the world and everything around me. Hes the light in the darkness. the shoulder i want to lean on. the ear that listens. my breath. my heart beat.

and even though i get mad, i scream and get upset, i still cant stay mad at Him... i thought i used to be in love before? bull crap! comparing to what i feel right now, i know that the other thing was just an attraction. this one here, i know Hes the one. Hes not perfect, but Hes perfect for me. besides, whos perfect?! definitely not me... with all my deafects and fuck ups... i just read my past post on here and how i was mad at the whole world, at myself for being a bad person, and i realise that He makes me work on my weaknesses, for Him i want to get better, i want to make Him happy, i want to be good for Him, i want to be for Him. it kinda feels like He is my life now, like i am here to make His life better, to make Him happy. its my goal in life...

i know we argue. and it kills me inside that i hurt Him so often. once again, it brings me back to realising that i am bad and i need to change. im trying, but maybe i am not trying hard enough? im just hoping that He will stick around. that we will rule the world. that i will make Him breakfast and clean His car whenever needed. that He will be there for me at all times. and well be goofy together. and well build the house and plant a tree. that well just live. in love. forever.

god help me with improving myself. help me understand and learn. help me be.

i wana make it right.